maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
