Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
