So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need to calm my uterus...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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