I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
