Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
