Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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