I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
