you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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