Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
