Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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