just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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