If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
