you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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