...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
