3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
