Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
