I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
