I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
