Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
