I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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