And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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