I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
