And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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