just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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