i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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