Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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