My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
