The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
