yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh god it's open bar.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
