I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
