so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
