Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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