I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
