You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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