you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
