I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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