it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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