I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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