That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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