In America we eat man semen.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
