Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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