i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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