Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
