three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
