Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
