The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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