After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
