Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
