Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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