She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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