he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
