Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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