I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we're so committed to being not committed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
