I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
