You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
