Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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